Tuesday, 8 August 2017
I crashed pretty hard. I took some time out from work and eventually returned in February. I managed four weeks before getting signed off again. It's now August and I haven't been back. Soon myself and my employer will be parting ways. They've been great, I haven't got a bad word to say about how well they have treated me over this time. But enough is enough. They're going to stop paying me eventually.
The harsh truth of the matter is that no matter how hard I tried it just wasn't possible to maintain a full time job while being a full time carer for my son. He's grow and his care needs have grown with him.
These days anything I do for myself needs to be planned in advance and can be, and often is, cancelled at the last minute.
Tuesday, 18 October 2016
If you run on autopilot, eventually you'll crash. And that, dear reader, is what has happened to this story's protagonist.
It's hard to say what triggered the crash. Probably just a build up of various stresses and emotions, coupled with exhaustion but I decided it was time to visit a doctor. The result: I've been signed off work for a couple of weeks with depression. This should allow me time to get some rest, get some exercise and generally get my head and life back in order.
I've been through this before. A few years ago I had about five months off work. I'm hoping that experience will work in my favor. I know what helped me through last time and I'm hoping it'll get me through this time, only quicker.
Wednesday, 27 July 2016
When I made my escape from Nottingham I bought a car from a guy in hyson green. It was a white m reg escort. 1.3 petrol and less power than a moderate fart. It cut out when the revs dropped as well and needed a bump start all too often. Cost me about £320 but I needed something to get me, Claire and all our stuff back up north. Driving back I had to stop at a red light and sure enough it cut out. An old guy, must've been in his sixties, came to my rescue and offered to give me a push. There was no-one else around younger so I accepted his help. He pushed the car and it as it fired up it jumped forward and the old guy fell on his face. While trying to keep the revs up I shouted back to see if he was ok. He waved and I drove off, leaving him lying in the road. I did see him getting back on his feet in the mirror but I still felt really bad about the whole thing.
I got the car fixed, it got us back up north and while I was waiting to start a new job I swapped it for a green focus estate.
Monday, 18 July 2016
For the last couple of weeks, maybe months, I've been operating on autopilot. This is what happens when you're not getting enough sleep. Day to day you simply go through the motions. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up, go back to bed, get up, go to work.... And on it goes.
The get up then go back to bed is what's causing the problem. I've been getting up for an hour or two or sometimes three during the night with J every night for a while now. I don't know how long, I've lost track.
This makes me difficult to be around.
Don't expect to be able to hold a conversation. There's a good chance I'll zone out and without realising, walk away or start looking at crap on my phone or otherwise ignore you.
Don't expect me to be productive or proactive at work. There's a good chance I'm not looking at my monitor, just starting at nothing, unaware off what's happening around me. I probably didn't notice that my monitor has gone to sleep.
I will try to be there. I will try to talk or play with the kids but it won't be long before I zone out again and stare into space or some crap on my phone.
Please bare with me during this time. J will start sleeping again, I will start sleeping again, I will disengage autopilot and rejoin the human race.
Saturday, 16 July 2016
This magical stuff gets kids to sleep in no time. This has given us our evenings back and meant we can now get our kids to bed at a reasonable time. It doesn't keep them asleep but it's still awesome. Doesn't seem to be as effective at 2am as it is at 7pm either.
2. The Delichon Delta All Terrain Buggy
This has changed our lives. That might sound like a big statement but it has. We got beach wheels and bike trailer bits. This means we can get J on to the beach easier and take him out on bike rides. And that's just the beginning.
Saturday, 14 February 2015
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
I see this line all too often in peoples blogs referring to their special needs child. It has to be the most ridiculous thing a special needs parent would say.
I see my son struggle everyday. He can't sit up never mind stand or walk. He can't eat and is tube fed. He can't communicate and gets frustrated a lot.
Would I change him if I could? Of course I would. If I could magically take away his cerebral palsy and give him a chance of a normal life I would. Without hesitation.
That doesn't mean I love him any less for who he is now. He's amazing, he's determined, he's stubborn, he's loving and he's my son. All I want is the best for him. All any parent wants is the best for their child and those who say they wouldn't change them for the world need to think about what they mean by that.