Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Autopilot has finally crashed

If you run on autopilot, eventually you'll crash. And that, dear reader, is what has happened to this story's protagonist.

It's hard to say what triggered the crash. Probably just a build up of various stresses and emotions, coupled with exhaustion but I decided it was time to visit a doctor. The result: I've been signed off work for a couple of weeks with depression. This should allow me time to get some rest, get some exercise and generally get my head and life back in order.

I've been through this before. A few years ago I had about five months off work. I'm hoping that experience will work in my favor. I know what helped me through last time and I'm hoping it'll get me through this time, only quicker.

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

OT: Escape from Nottingham

When I made my escape from Nottingham I bought a car from a guy in hyson green. It was a white m reg escort. 1.3 petrol and less power than a moderate fart. It cut out when the revs dropped as well and needed a bump start all too often. Cost me about £320 but I needed something to get me, Claire and all our stuff back up north. Driving back I had to stop at a red light and sure enough it cut out. An old guy, must've been in his sixties, came to my rescue and offered to give me a push. There was no-one else around younger so I accepted his help. He pushed the car and it as it fired up it jumped forward and the old guy fell on his face. While trying to keep the revs up I shouted back to see if he was ok. He waved and I drove off, leaving him lying in the road. I did see him getting back on his feet in the mirror but I still felt really bad about the whole thing.

I got the car fixed, it got us back up north and while I was waiting to start a new job I swapped it for a green focus estate.

True story.

Monday, 18 July 2016

Autopilot engaged

For the last couple of weeks, maybe months, I've been operating on autopilot. This is what happens when you're not getting enough sleep. Day to day you simply go through the motions. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up, go back to bed, get up, go to work.... And on it goes.

The get up then go back to bed is what's causing the problem. I've been getting up for an hour or two or sometimes three during the night with J every night for a while now. I don't know how long, I've lost track.

This makes me difficult to be around.

Don't expect to be able to hold a conversation. There's a good chance I'll zone out and without realising, walk away or start looking at crap on my phone or otherwise ignore you.

Don't expect me to be productive or proactive at work. There's a good chance I'm not looking at my monitor, just starting at nothing, unaware off what's happening around me. I probably didn't notice that my monitor has gone to sleep.

I will try to be there. I will try to talk or play with the kids but it won't be long before I zone out again and stare into space or some crap on my phone.

Please bare with me during this time. J will start sleeping again, I will start sleeping again, I will disengage autopilot and rejoin the human race.

Saturday, 16 July 2016

First post for ages and it's a bloody list

Been a while since my last post and the internet still loves lists, so here goes.

Let's start with the good: 

1. Melatonin
This magical stuff gets kids to sleep in no time. This has given us our evenings back and meant we can now get our kids to bed at a reasonable time. It doesn't keep them asleep but it's still awesome. Doesn't seem to be as effective at 2am as it is at 7pm either.

2. The Delichon Delta All Terrain Buggy
This has changed our lives. That might sound like a big statement but it has. We got beach wheels and bike trailer bits. This means we can get J on to the beach easier and take him out on bike rides. And that's just the beginning.

3. The Sunshine Fund
Great local charity that paid for our Delta. It did cost well over three grand.

4. Getting the opportunity to do things for yourself
Last year I got away for four days to ride the C2C. Not the standard one, we done a 200 mile off road one. It was tough but rewarding and best of all I could forget about my usual life for a few days and just ride my bike. Things like this are few are far between though. However with a bit of effort and planning it can happen. More recently than my C2C trip, the wife went to Nepal and trekked to Everest Base Camp which was an incredible achievement. 

5. Books
Specifically books by Oliver Jeffers and Julia Donaldson. There's a lot of crap children's books and you wonder how they made it to print but you can't really go wrong with these two authors.

And now the not so good: 

6. Special needs equipment
All too often it's seriously overpriced and junk. Wheelchairs are welded pig iron with components left over from the BSO (bike shaped object) industry. I got a new wheelchair recently, the grips supplied were horrible cheap push on rubber things you'd never want on a bike. The brake levers are cheap plastic things and one of them keeps sticking. The solid rubber tyres don't provide any grip, when you're using the brakes to control speed down a slope it really doesn't help when the tyres start sliding. It was a good job I had decent grip on my shoes and he's still light enough for me to hang on to. I don't know how much this wheelchair cost but the last one was about two grand so I'm guessing this was more. At the moment the nhs is supplying them but when we start paying for them I'll be a lot more fussy about components and quality. I could go on about other issues and equipment but I'll save it for a dedicated post.

7. Going out for any length of time
This is getting harder and harder and it's mainly due to poor facilities for changing J. He's getting too big for baby changing rooms and while Changing Places are great, there's just not enough of them at the moment. This means we often end up changing J in the back of the car or on the floor somewhere and that's just not good enough for anyone.

That'll do, don't want to make the list too long and my sleep deprived brain has lost the ability to think now.

Bad moods

You know those days where you wish you could just go back to bed, have another's hours sleep then start again fresh? Well today has bee...